You did, once
by evilqueenss
Summary: There's something there, they don't know what it is, but they have a familiar feeling that they should. Why is that? Why do they feel like they're not remembering something? Because they're not. SQ. Chapter 4 is finally up, friends.
1. Chapter 1

**So apparently, the recent Comic Con situation has spun my mind into a swan queen apocalypse. So I decided to write my first fanfic that's been published, bare with me as this probably isn't going to be the greatest attempt, but I do hope you enjoy it. And I hope it keeps you interested. This chapter was wrote in about 20 minutes and it might slightly make no sense, but I am sure as the chapters go on it will start threading together. Also, a big huge thank you to my girlfriend Ashley for editing this for me, and a huge 'the desk is nigh' to my best friend sam. I love you both. **

**DID ANYONE SEE WHAT THEY SAID ABOUT SWAN QUEEN I WISH I WAS DEAD**

**Thank u for the fame **

**Disclaimer: I don't own any of this, not the show, the actors (Although, same, would be great) I am just using them to feel the deep void A + E are continuing not to fill.**

* * *

Have you ever felt trapped? Not in the literal sense, I mean emotionally. Have you ever wondered if your brain is so full of stones that it's started to wear against your neck? I don't know, maybe you haven't, but I know I have.

It was as if the house was ripping at her, instead of gliding her into a comfortable stay, but then again Regina's house had never been comfortable, easy on the eye, but not comfortable. Much like the woman herself.

As Emma thumped her feet outside the mayor's house she could feel Regina's impatience at her child-like heavy footing, the chuckle built in her throat but she caught it just before Regina heard her. It had been a long day and neither of the women were in the mood for chit chat or meaningless conversations about walking etiquette. Emma was here for one reason. Regina still didn't know that reason.

''_So what are you really here f- oh!''_

Before Emma could catch her, the Mayor had suddenly stumbled on a step; she fell to the floor, still gracefully but still cursing at Emma. Emma laughed; she knew it was a bad move. And it was. The Mayor had never been one to deal with embarrassment well. Regina had started to brush the dirt off her black pencil skirt and before she or even Emma knew it, Emma was floating in the air.

''_Do you think it's funny to mock those in need dear?''_ Regina was playing.

Figures.

''_Regina, just hold for a second and stop going all slam the doors, kick my shins in on me; just let me talk'_' I can barely breathe, how am I supposed to talk? Well done Emma, set yourself up for a landslide right here.

''_Kick your shins? You think I would risk scratching these shoes for you? This is absolutely Ludicrous!'' _Regina was deflecting, hoping her comment would throw this conversation into more of a challenge than an exchange of feelings. She dropped Emma, purposely hard.

''_Would you mind telling me why you're here or would you rather mind me helping you get off my porch,_ _please dear''_ She motioned for Emma to head towards the path leading away from Regina's. It wasn't the sort of please you got when asking for the last piece of cake.

Emma was relieved Regina was trying to deflect, like the relief you get when you reach into the back of your fridge on a hot day and find a bottle of freezing cold water. She was also relieved Regina had dropped her. But that really wasn't going to help with the whole, you know, staring at Regina, not saying anything situation. She really didn't pick the greatest moment to do this, but is there ever really a right moment to tell someone….

''_I love you''_

Didn't sound so bad. Did I say it out loud? Concentrate Emma.

''_I mean yeah, I love you''_

That came out this time. I felt it; my lips are dry, super dry. You know that cold bottle of water would do the job right about now.

Emma watched Regina go through every emotion a person like Regina could go through. She saw nothing good. A flash of disgust, a few sprinkles of shock and a look that a body language expert couldn't figure out, but mind you that was Regina, Hard to figure out. She shouldn't have expected anything more.

''_What did Gold do to you this time? Is that why you're here? For my help?''_ Regina replied with a stern, yet oddly concerned look.

Oh shit. She thinks I'm under a spell. Oh hell even I do sometimes.

''_Regina, I'm not under a spell!''_

Wouldn't that be what someone under a spell would say?

''_That's exactly what someone under a spell would say, Miss Swan'' _Regina was laughing freely now, as though Emma was an award winning comedian with 12 tours coming up.

She's too cocky for her own good sometimes.

''_Look, this is as hard as it gets for me, this situation, so can we please just accept the fact the only spell I am under is yours?''_

I did not say that out loud. The Queen isn't too adept at understanding sarcasm. This is a nice dream isn't it? That's cheesy, I hate myself. I might as well have read her out the lyrics to ''I Will Always Love You''. Smooth Swan.

Regina was shocked, creeped out, and awfully hot.

''_That's the last thing that I would ever expect to come out of Emma Swans mouth, so If you don't mind, I think I've heard quite enough''_ Regina was half laughing, Half confused and Half needing a very large apple cider.

She really needs to read a dictionary sometimes.

''_I fell in love with you the day you saved me from Hook''_

Do you know what? Fuck this. I can always marry a Horse. Isn't that legal in some states? Dude that is really not right. But is anything in this situation?

''_Miss Swan?''_ Regina's impatience was evident in her voice.

Oh right, the whole Regina thing.

''_Sorry, look I'm not lying. Don't you have a truth spell you could use on me like the one that chick used in that Charmed programme?''_

Her eyebrow's twitching. Prepare to die Swan. Adios.

''_Miss Swan, I didn't intentionally save you from Hook, I was protecting... ..'_' If Regina was honest, she didn't know who or what she was protecting. But at the same time, she did.

The sky was growing more into its grey as the two women fought, but were they sure it wasn't something they always had done on 108 Mifflin streets porch?

''_Me, you were protecting me Regina, for Henry or for yourself'' _

Regina looked defeated. It wasn't a good look on a former Queen.

I knew it! Feelings - 1. Regina's ego- 0.

The whole situation was becoming more and more bizarre as the looks between them became more intense and confusing, after Emma's statement neither of them had said anything for what seemed like hours growing into months and slowly turning into years.

Finally, Regina spoke up.

''_I don't love you, Miss Swan''_ It was said with such conviction, like a president addressing his country.

Does she think I'm a complete Idiot? Or do I just come across that way? Emma, really… You're asking yourself if you come across as an idiot? Because if so, then yes….yes you do.

Breathe.

''_I know''_

Regina furrowed her brow so tight, it looked like she had grown a slight monobrow. This made Emma chuckle, but it wasn't internally, like she had thought.

Fuck.

''_I'm glad to see you find this so hilariously funny, Miss Swan, but unlike you- I actually have rather a fair bit of work to do, so if you don't mind I think I have made it quite clear enough for the both of us where I stand, so run along with your feelings and find someone else to bother''_ She didn't half need a cider now, she fully needed it, like a bottle, or nine.

Emma smiled.

Did she just air quote feelings?

Regina started to walk away, clucking her heels heavier and heavier as she took each step. And with it, she was taking Emma's chance.

''_You did once''_

Regina halted.

Emma prayed.

''_What?''_ Regina had shot her head around back to Emma, her voice choking as she felt a familiar pain at the bottom of her stomach, although she couldn't place it. It was unnerving. It was unwanted. It was terrifying.

''_You might not love me now, but you did once''_

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	2. Chapter 2

**Hello friends, thank you for all the faves and follows and to the people who reviewed: thank u so much you angels**

**I don't know if I forgot to mention this in the last chapter, but it is from Emma's POV. This chapter is slightly long, but it's only because I wanted to set the mood and all that fun stuff. Anyway, I hope you enjoy it and are looking forward to the next chapter after this as much as I am looking forward to finishing writing it.**

**ps lana parrilla call me**

**Thank you again to my beautiful girl Ashley for helping me out with mistakes. I love you.**

**Disclaimer: Look, I don't own any of these characters or the show, because if I did well, let's be honest, it would have to be moved to Showtime.**

**bless all of u princesses**

* * *

Being emotionally trapped is a complicated feeling to endure. And if you're asking yourself what that even means, that's the complicated feeling. Because I don't even know, it's just a feeling.

I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs everything I knew, everything I wanted. But I couldn't. Don't ask yourself why I couldn't, because as I said; I don't even know.

I think I was terrified it wasn't true.

**Storybrooke, 1 year ago:**

''_Does he love you? Like he loves me?! Does he think of you? When he's holding me!''_

If there's one thing Emma Swan couldn't stand and it was one of many, it was her former best friend, now mother's singing. Finding out her mother was Snow White was just the cherry on top of a very large bottle of Jack Daniels.

If I hear this song one more time I think we're all in agreement that it's time to get the screwdrivers out, all in favour…Ears? Brain? Sanity? Gotcha.

''_Do you know if there's something Regina's curse did do that was good it was provide us with Country music. Don't you just love Reba?''_ Mary Margret smiled.

''_Not really M, I'm more of a Nickelback kind of girl and nobody likes them, you get the picture? ''_

How many times in a day can you ask God for mercy?

''_What picture? Show me!''_

Kill me.

''_Oh for the love of, it's an expressi- do you know what? Why don't we head off to Granny's for some breakfast? My stomach is getting kind of lonely''_ Emma pouted.

Kill me again.

''_That would be just wonderful Chicken''_ Mary Margret wrapped her arms around Emma's shoulders but pulled back as soon as she felt an awkward stance settle over her daughter's body, her best friend, her weird situation.

''_Chicken?''_

''_Yes the animal?''_

Is she feeling alright?

''_Why are you calling me it?''_

''_I thought it was sweet?''_

Ok Moose.

''_No, Emma's just fine- but thanks? Let's go''_

The atmosphere was incredibly nostalgic since the curse had broken in Storybrooke. Everybody had pieces of their real selves floating inside of them yet also had the personality traits of their cursed selves in them too. When it first broke, seeing people reunited with their loved ones and friends was tiring, as the only loved one Emma thought she had was Henry, and he had all about grabbed a sword as soon as it did. It was like watching an episode of Jerry Springer sometimes, but most of the time it was just difficult.

Granny's diner hadn't changed one bit since Granny and Ruby had gained their memory's back and found who they really were. The bell still chimed when you walked in, people still waved at you to acknowledge your existence and Ruby still chatted up every single male that dare lay an eye on her. It was normal to say the least, except for the fact Ruby was a wolf and everyone else in this town was a character from a book we all once read.

It wasn't quiet in here, but it wasn't loud either. People were quietly chatting amongst themselves and the small hiss of a frying pan was echoing in the background.

Ah, I smell bacon.

That was all to be heard until a certain personality entered from behind the counter.

''_Emma! MM! Joining my lovely self for some breakfast are we?''_ Ruby always knew how to brighten a day, she had her demons but god did she ever show it. Emma liked that.

''_Hey Rubes, by your lovely self- do you mean get me a cup of coffee? ''_

Seriously?

''_Emma! There's no need to be rude or drink so much caffeine all the time. Do you know what that can do to your health?''_ Mary Margret and her way with words.

''_Do you know what a decaffeinated mind can do to the citizens of this town if I possess it?''_

The comedy is on point today, if I do say so myself.

''_Well then, I guess I'll be right back with your coffee''_

''_Ahh, good lass''_ Before Emma had even realised her mistake, Mary Margret had slapped her on the shoulder giving her the best warning look a pure heart could handle.

''_Sorry Rubes, not with it today''_

Or any other day for that matter.

''_It's ok Em, I didn't even notice until M attacked you''_ She winked.

''_I did nothing of the sort!'' _

Busted.

Emma tapped her shoulder as lightly as she could. As if to exaggerate the pain that wasn't inflicted.

''_It's okay, a little bit of love and it should clear right up''_

''_I'm sorry Emma, did I really hurt you? ''_ She's a sweetheart really when you think about it that M, my best friend, my mother and my getting weirder situation.

''_Honestly its fine, I'm as hard as nails''_ She punched herself on the chest to show her strength.

The dirty jokes, don't say them.

The diner settled into a light vibe, fairy-tale characters gathering up their breakfasts, or getting a cup of something hot to start their day off before work. It was interesting and somehow psychologically frightening how their two lives could blend into one so easily, Emma thought.

Didn't you ever learn not to speak too soon Swan?

The vibe was quickly demolished when Leroy and his untrimmed beard stumbled into the diner and drunkenly slammed his self into Emma's back.

''_WHAT THE FU-''_ Before Emma could finish her unleash of profanities, MM had placed a hand over her mouth.

''_Shit! Emma I was just-''_

''_Don't tell me, you're drunk- did I guess right?''_

''_No! I've got terrible Vertigo''_

Ah, that old chestnut.

''_Look there's no need to go all hysterical on me, I'm sorry, I was coming to find you actually- David's been looking for you''_ He really did sound sorry, sorry and drunk.

Hysterical? Really?

''_Me or his Missus?'' _

Where all this comedy comes from I'll never know.

''_Both of you''_

''_What could he need that involves both of us? Emma's the sheriff''_

Leroy sighed, so did Emma. Mary Margret could be incredibly dense sometimes. Emma often wondered how she survived in the enchanted forest.

''_Regina''_

As soon as the former Queens name was uttered, the room started to empty. It was like a fire alarm had gone off and in their minds, it did.

''_Oh god, who did she hurt? Is David ok?'' _MM was shaking.

''_She's like 5 pounds who could she hurt? You saw after the last time a mob attacked, she doesn't have that magic of hers working, but she's not the problem'' _Leroy paused and rubbed his brow.

''_Look man, there's a mob after her head again, they've got pitch forks and shit and they're on the way to her house, I was going to join them- but the vertigo's really playing up''_ Even with the look of murder and the stench of vodka, you could still see that somewhere deep down Leroy was a good guy.

_''Where's David then?''_ Emma was becoming impatient with Leroy's sloppiness.

_''Outside Regina's, waiting for the mob to arrive''_

Brilliant, this is just brilliant.

_''Oh Emma! We have to go help, he can't handle that many angry people on his own!''_ Mary Margret was about to faint.

No shit.

_''Oh hell, come on''_

Emma wasn't in the mood for psychotic movie characters, or well, what she had known to be movie characters. The ride to Regina's house was frustrating, she just wanted to get there and deal with this as quickly as possible so she could get back to her coffee that was surely cold by now.

The decaffeination of my mind really isn't going to help this situation. Yet again, figures.

Emma had asked Ruby for her help with the mob, but as Ruby frustratingly explained, she also had to ask Granny's permission, as she put it herself 'Ruby sure as hell wasn't getting out of work unless it was an emergency' it was only slowing her down, but she needed the help. Emma asked Ruby after much debating with Granny, to keep an eye on how close the mob was to Regina's house. She was hoping to get there before they did; you know them, the Disney characters and a Frankenstein.

As they arrived outside Regina's house, or mansion, or a crazy living space for just two people, as Emma liked to describe it, she received a Call from Ruby to tell her that the mob was currently on its way and that Emma had about 10 minutes to get the situation under control.

No pressure.

David caught sight of Emma's yellow bug and quickly threw himself out of his car.

_''Emma! Snow! Thank you for getting here so fast, if I would have left Leroy here and got you myself, I'm pretty sure while the mob was attacking Regina, he would have broken in and raided her liquor cabinet''_ He chuckled.

He was alright you know? David, My dad…. yeah, still can't get used to that. Or the fact he's around my age.

_''Nah, you did the right thing, although maybe send someone with better breath next time''_

They both heaved with laughter.

Mary Margret was standing to the left of Emma, watching her husband and daughter ease into a conversation and although it was going to take some effort, she thought, it felt like home for the first time in 28 years. She was ecstatic her family was together again, and the weird situation she had classed it at was suddenly dimmed away as she watched the two people she loved most in the world banter at each other.

She smiled.

_''Right then, on to more pressing matters- to see the queen we go!''_ David breathed in and out several times as if to prepare himself.

_''Queen my ass''_ Emma muttered under her breath.

They approached Regina's front porch with caution. Nobody had heard anything from the Mayor in weeks, not since the last mob anyway. When the town had seen that the former queen of the enchanted forest was without magic they had been having monthly mobs. You would think by now with Emma and David intercepting them every time, they would have stopped, but apparently not.

_''Right who's knocking?''_ Emma joked.

David and Mary Margret motioned towards Emma's hand.

_''Me I take it?''_

She knocked once, twice and on the third time, Regina answered.

Dressed in a knee length pencil skirt and a maroon fitted top, Regina looked every inch as a former mayor should do. And if Emma admitted it, she really was quite beautiful.

A beautiful murderer, that could be a title to a film…maybe I should write movies and all that shit instead of all this chasing away mobs and stuff?

The 'stuff' being, climbing up tree's to get cats down.

_''Ah Miss Swan, glad to see you've changed your jacket from red to blue since the last time I saw you''_ Regina smirked.

I'm going to wipe it right off her face.

_''Nice to see you're still as bitchy as ever Regina''_

Wasn't my best come back, but I'll take what I can get.

Regina ignored her.

_''I suppose there's another mob? Here to save me again sheriff?''_

_''That's me, the saviour, here to save all and that''_

Although I could do with someone saving me from this situation right now and I would love that someone to be a beer.

She smiled to herself.

_''Right then, on with the show''_


	3. Chapter 3

**Hi so I'm posting this really soon after Chapter 2 as I really want to get this story up and running a bit more quicker, as it's been quite a slow burn so far, but in the next few chapters it's going to speed up a bit. I've put the flashbacks/memory's in a horizontal line situation so it makes it a lot more easier for you guys to read. **

**I like where this story is going so far and I had a lot of fun writing this chapter, it's one of my favourites out of the one's I've so far wrote. Anyway...Let me know if you think I need to change anything, or if it's too complicated to understand, yadda, yadda. And let me know if you're enjoying it, because it makes me happy :) I'm going to be switching back and forth from present and past for a little while, but there's a reason, as you've all obviously gathered. I don't know why I'm still talking. Also, thank you to all of the people who have fave'd or followed this, u guys are nice ones **

**Disclaimer: Don't own the characters, the show, basically nothing I want to own. But I do own 2 fish, named Regina and Emma.**

* * *

I'm still scared it isn't true sometimes you know? What happened, what I'm telling you, I'm still terrified we're going to end up re- living this all again. But if we do, you bet I'll go to the ends of every earth, every world to get her back to me.

Who wants to be trapped for the rest of their lives anyway?

We all might as well fight for something, for someone.

**Present Storybrooke: **

''_You might not love me now, but you did once''_

Emma shouldn't have said that, it was probably going to be a waste of her time. But it was getting to the point where she either said nothing or kept memories to herself she didn't even know for sure belonged to her. It was driving her insane.

''_I beg your pardon dear? ''_ Regina was agitated, confused and had a vague sense of familiarity plaguing her body. She didn't like it.

She went to turn, but once again was stopped by Emma's persistence and her own curiosity.

''_I remember ''_ Emma didn't know how to put it.

Right, suppose I should just go all in? I should have bought a weapon, just in case she tries to kill me, again...for the fifth time. God, how many times has it been?

''_I remember feeling something. Before what I feel now, this isn't a new feeling towards you. This is old, old but in this lifetime, where we've both been us, but a different us. I've felt this before- for you. I remember you. I remember us. I know you once loved me Regina, I've seen it. I've felt it. '' _

''_All your seeing, Miss Swan are your delusions. Is this some sort of past life revelation? '' _

No, Regina.

''_Humour me?''_

Hell, I humour myself.

''_The only humour coming from this conversation is your rather hilarious attempt at some sort of joke''_ Regina wanted to kill her, but something was stopping her.

I think that was a yes? This is going to get difficult, I mean it already is. This is your chance Swan, she's still listening, don't fuck it up.

The weather suddenly became dark and cloudy, as if it was trying to fit to their current situation.

''_Do you know what this is?''_

Emma had produced a huge shell from her pocket, with the words 'Just like you 'scribbled in green ink. It wasn't particularly pretty, nor did it seem sentimental or familiar to Regina, at first. But as she took it from Emma's hand, she was hit with a small memory that she never thought would belong to her and she wasn't even sure it did.

* * *

''_**Did anyone ever tell you, Emma Swan, that you're a foolish romantic?'' **__Regina would never admit it, but she loved this side of Emma. _

''_**Did anyone ever tell you, Regina Mills, that you make me a foolish romantic?''**_

''_**You're so cheesy''**_

''_**You're so cute''**_

''_**Good grief''**_

''_**Do you like it though? I've kept it in my book of favourite 'Regina Mills lines' ever since that first night'' **__Emma felt self-conscious, she hated that, but __Humour was always a good cover._

''_**The fact you remembered what I told you is more important to me. Just don't start doing this all the time, or someone is going to start writing a romantic comedy about us''**_

_Emma was laughing. Regina loved that laugh. _

''_**Did you just crack a joke? And really you think a comedy?''**_

''_**A comedy, or a disaster movie'' **__Regina internally clapped at her own joke. _

''_**When did you grow a sense of humour? I mean shit, you're doing well!''**_

''_**Around the time you wouldn't stop trying to win me over with all your so called charm''**_

''_**It's not so called, Regina, it's a birth right'' **__Emma smirked._

''_**You charming's are all the same, my love''**_

''_**I'm the best looking''**_

''_**Mm-mm'' **__She was. She was beautiful._

* * *

The Mayor's ears were ringing. She couldn't hear a thing except for the sound of bells and telephones. What bought her back to reality was the sheriffs incessant shouting of her name.

''_REGINA!'' _

Emma bought herself closer as she raised her voice more forcefully, she could see in the Mayor's face that she had seen something.

''_Regina, what did you see? What just happened?_'' Emma felt panicked.

What did she see?!

The former queen straightened herself, she was disorientated. She slowly lifted her head and stared back at the annoyance that is Emma Swan.

''_What do you mean what did I see? It's just a shell. Where did you get it? Gold's shop? It must have taken you a while to plan all of this just for a joke, Miss Swan. If I admitted it, I would say I'm quite impressed'' _She was shouting now, this was enough.

''_I know you saw something'' _

''_Wish what you wish, Miss Swan. I didn't''_

Regina lied.

Emma knew Regina had lied.

''_Whatever you saw, I know it was something like what I saw the day you saved me from Hook''_

If Emma was to really think about it, she didn't blame Regina's behaviour in this situation, she didn't even know herself if the memories she was getting were her messed up creation or some sort of sick magical joke. But she knew deep down, even though she wasn't sure how or why, that everything was true. She needed to gain more of whatever her brain was forgetting and yet yelling at her to remember.

I have to think of what it was like for me when I first started getting these and stop being so selfish. I mean, where's the sympathy Swan?

''_Miss Swan, What did you supposedly remember?''_

Emma slipped into a memory, just like Regina had done a few minutes before her.

* * *

_Emma knocked on Regina's door. She was nervous, but determined. That son of hers can make her do just about anything. Except watch 'Lord of the Rings' -That film could put a severe insomniac asleep in just a few minutes._

''_**Miss Swan, what can I do for you this evening? And who is my son with?''**_

''_**Our son, is with Mary Margret''**__ Emma would never stop reminding her that they were both his mothers. _

''_**Well, glad to see your parenting skills are in order, dear''**_

''_**Can you just-''**_

_Regina lifted her hand in motion for Emma to stop talking. _

''_**Why are you here Sheriff?''**_

''_**I wanted to say congratulations''**_

''_**Congratulations? What for?**_

''_**Not killing anyone, leaving the town alone, not causing any trouble, you know good human being stuff'' **__She shrugged._

''_**Oh? How kind of you to notice! Thank you! Now why don't you get you and that red jacket of yours home''**__ The thank you was bitter. _

''_**There's no need to be sarcastic, I just thought you might need someone to talk to or whatever, look this was Henry's idea and I knew it was stupid, I'll be off-''**_

''_**Wait. Henry sent you here? So I could have company? ''**__ She felt the blood rush to her heart, and a smile creeping in her cheekbones. _

''_**He wants us to stop fighting and he doesn't want you to be alone. He's still coming to terms with who you are, Jesus, everyone is. But he can see you're trying and so can I, He's just not ready to be around you fully yet. You know what he's like; he can get you to do anything. He must have got that from you''**_

''_**I don't need a friend Miss Swan, I am perfectly capable of being alone and happy''**_

''_**Yeah well, you might just need a perfect stranger with wine in her bag'' **__Emma took her back pack off and pulled out a very large, red bottle of wine. __She huffed, and continued__**.**_

''_**Who's been sent here by her son and has been told more than once, not to come back until you've been saved''**__ Emma air quoted 'saved' to show how impossible she thought that was._

''_**Saved?''**_

''_**Look, Regina, will you just do this so I can tell Henry you at least tried? He believes in you, I don't wanna crush his fantasies of you becoming good - you can do that by yourself. But don't let me be an accomplice''**_

''_**What wine do you have?''**_

''_**I don't know the one that was the cheapest?''**_

''_**I shouldn't have expected anything less. Well then, come along, let's get this headache over with'' **_

''_**Headache?''**_

''_**Yes, that's you dear''**_

* * *

Emma was sure as the memory was washing over her once again, that she was smiling. She couldn't even see Regina as it took over her, she was too caught up in what could have been or what was. It was difficult, she could never before see herself anywhere near the Queen unless it was to fight her. She was a killer, she was evil. But even as Emma thought that, she also knew Regina was much more.

Just comes to show you, that you never end up where you thought you would.

''_Miss Swan?''_

''_It happened again'' _Emma didn't even realise how quickly she had snapped back.

''_Excuse me?''_

''_The first memory I had, I just had it again''_

''_Oh, did you have fun in your little delusion?''_

Oh for fuck sake woman.

''_Regina, for the love of god, stop saying it's a delusion and stop thinking it's a fucking joke!''_

Regina considered her for a second. Why should she?

''_Fine, what was this memory?''_

Emma paused, she felt like her throat was burning.

I guess the reason I'm remembering it, is because that's where it all started.

''_It was the moment I suppose you first let me into who you are, into your heart'' _


	4. Chapter 4

**Okay so I've been super sick and I haven't had a chance to update this story which sucks :( But anyway I decided to update it now. I got a few reviews expressing that the format the story has been in is hard to read, so I changed it up a bit in the hope it's easier, if not, feel free to let me no and I will go back to how it was before. I found this way was a lot easier to read, so I hope it is for all of you too. This chapter is incredibly long, like so long...longer than the wait for #AskLana has been. I know that this story makes no sense at the moment, but I am hoping you guys will stick with me as it all comes together and starts making sense to you guys. I'm really enjoying writing it, and I hope you guys are enjoying reading it. Please feel free to review as much as possible so I know what I'm doing wrong, right or so bad you don't even know why you're sitting down and reading it :) The reviews also help me write quicker, as it gives me that extra boost :) I'm also British so some of the words might be spelt different to what you guys are used too. Emma's thoughts are in bold, as I can't stand to just leave them there without anything highlighting her minds speaking, it makes it hard to read I think. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own shit man, wish I did. I'm just unintentionally being a lesbian.**

* * *

Do you know what the best part of everything that has happened is?

That I wake up every morning and look to the right of me, and finally have something that I'll never take for granted. Out of everything I've been through, this was my ball buster. The hand that you're holding could be gone tomorrow, so don't hold it shyly, hold it like you would hold a new born baby. Close to you, and tightly.

**Storybrooke, 1 year ago**

Emma was getting tired and annoyed at Regina's constant shoving to her back. She had asked, more like demanded her to stay inside while she, David and Mary Margret split off around the house filling out each of the entrances. Emma was at the front, David around the back, and Mary Margret was circling the side of the mansion near the shed. But, to her not so surprise Regina yet again was trying to gain the upper hand in the situation, a situation that most likely would lead to her death.

''Regina for the love of god, if you shove me one more time, I will get out of your way and I will let them- whose lives you destroyed- get their fucking hands on you.'' Emma screamed.

_**Was that harsh? **_

''Sheriff, I hope you're not forgetting who's property you're on?''

_**Once you go bitch, you never go back: An autobiography, by Regina Mills. **_

''How can I when those stupid ass manicured nails keep digging into me every 30 seconds attempting to shove me off it!''

_**I will never understand why women get those stupid plastic things done. The world already has inconveniences, why would you want to have more by choice? **_

''I will not be locked away and hidden from those who are attempting to kill me. I am not weak, sheriff, I think you will find I am quite capable of protecting myself.''

''How are you gonna do that without magic Madame Mayor? Mm? Slice them out with a nail? Throw poisoned apples at them in the hope that they will land right in their mouths? Please Regina, you couldn't protect yourself from this lot even if you had guns as arms.''

''Miss Swan- how dare yo-''

Regina was quickly cut off by a loud male voice, screaming 'Incoming'. Presuming it was David, Emma snapped her head towards the front. The Sheriff saw something that reminded her of a Metallica concert she once attended. People sandwiched together, screaming random phrases into the open air. But this sandwich was moving, in her direction, shouting their phrases at the very person she was blocking them from.

_**Oh fuck.**_

''Now you listen to me Regina, Henry asked me from that very first mob to protect you. So that is what I am going to do, whether or not we like it. So if you wanna keep some of your limbs- get your ass into that ridiculously sized fucking house and stay quite. I am not arguing with you about this anymore, because you see those people turning the corner? They will kill you, and you might be able to handle something like that on your conscience, but I can't.'' Emma was over her, over the situation, over the town full of fairy-tale characters. She just wanted to get home to Henry and some trashy TV.

''Fine'' Regina was slightly taken back by Emma's speech, and decided it was best to do as the situation would suit the Sheriff.

''Excuse me?''

''I will go inside''

''Stay quiet and do not under any circumstances leave that house. ''

Emma turned away from Regina, waiting for her to close the door and struggling to get herself ready to battle the oncoming assault of various hair colours and clothing.

''Oh, and Miss Swan-''

''Yeah?''

''If you ever, speak to me like that again, I will turn my arms into guns and show you exactly how I would be able to protect myself. '' She looked straight into Emma, conveying the truth in her eyes.

''Yeah okay, Terminator'' Emma laughed.

''Excuse me?''

''GET THE FUCK INSIDE!''

Just as the former Queen closed the doors, Emma saw Whale and an assortment of shadows running up towards her.

_**This should be fun. **_

''Whale, fancy seeing you here'' Emma acted none the wiser.

''Get out of our way Emma, you won't save her this time''

_**He's making this sound like some sort of romance movie. And isn't it ironic, don't you think? **_

''And you won't kill her this time''

Emma heard various shouts of 'She's evil' 'Why are you protecting a killer?'' and '' She took our lives away from us!'' just like she had the first few times she had protected Regina from the town. Emma wondered to why she, MM and David were protecting the queen. And more often than not, she couldn't come up with an answer. The Sheriff pinned it down on the promise she had made henry, but in the back of her mind it was so much more than that. She didn't want to become like the woman herself and she saw something in Regina's eyes. And she knew that something well enough, from experience, to know it meant that people aren't always what they seem to be.

As Emma was having her inner realisation she heard her name being called by a running Ruby, she halted and saw the wolf signal that she was going to swap places with David. Emma recognized it was so he could help her at the front. She smiled at Ruby, showing her thanks without words.

''Emma, stand closer to the door, I'll speak to them.'' David was every inch a prince as he charged towards them, his face in false anger.

_**No.**_

''David, let me do this.'' Emma needed to do this. Needed to get her point across for the last time, or what she hoped would be. They shared a look of understanding, and Emma threw herself forward to the noise.

''Gonna give us an 'I'm the sheriff' speech are we? You're not my princess, princess.'' Whale smirked.

_**Oh, whale, one day you're going to be taught how to treat a lady. And on that day, I hope you are taught with a slap.**_

Emma ignored his remark, and continued.

''Listen up everybody, and I mean really listen. Don't just stand there with all your pitchforks and pretend to take this in while your brain is thinking of ways to commit murder. Really fucking listen. That woman in there took everything from you, I get that. She took your families, yourselves and your land. But she also gave you something, just like I am about to give you; a choice. A choice to become what you are all trying to kill, a choice to find out who you really are or a choice to do what you all believe you should do, walk away. Leave this house and go back to your homes. She could have killed each and every one of you while you sat there none the wiser, granted she may have been a bitchy mayor. But she didn't kill you while you were completely defenceless, like you're planning to do. '' Emma paused and took a long awaited breath.

''You all agree she's a bad person right? Right. Did you ever think there's a reason for that? A reason she did all of this? I know in your world, things are black and white, but here in this land; things are greyer and for the last 28 years if nothing being here should have taught you that. She bought up a kid, my kid, who you have all met and all love, he is a product of her. And if she truly was as evil and bad as you all think, don't you believe he would have been that way too? Don't you think she would have destroyed all the goodness in his heart and made him her? Because if she was, she would have; and she didn't. He is a child, and children to a certain degree, become who their parents are and teach them to be. So stop seeing the black and white, and start looking towards the grey, and get the hell of this front porch and do something I'm sure all your parents would have taught you to do. This is beneath you all, even Regina knew it was beneath her to kill you while you all were completely unarmed. She may not have had her magic to do so, but that woman is so conniving and vindictive,not to mention smart, that she would have found a way. But instead she left you to your business and bought up someone with one of the purest hearts. He is one of the greatest people I have ever met, he bought me here to save you all, and he learned how to do the right thing from someone right? And that someone must have been her. He is a person I am proud of, and I owe that to her. That counts for something. This is beneath you. ''

What Emma didn't know, was as she spoke, Regina had her ear up to the door. Listening intently, she felt a sharp pain in her stomach and a proud beam on her face at the mention of her son. She may be a terrible person, and done some unspeakable things, that if she was honest she didn't regret as much as she should. But her son was incredible. She had bought him up to be something she never felt she could be, with the constant battle she had with her mother over the overbearing urge she had for her to be queen, to be evil. But she wanted Henry to grow up with the choice to become whatever he wanted to be. She wasn't the best mother; she did make him think he was crazy. But she was just scared, not to die if those who were cursed found out; but to lose the one person who had given her unconditional love and devotion throughout the years and allowed her to be herself, without magic. Without the pull of evil dragging her so far into her core she couldn't even breathe without the feel of it pulsing through her, without knowing who she was made into, just knowing her as who she really was and loving her for that. She would look at him and feel Daniel with her, not because of the love they shared, but because of the love Regina had of who she was before she turned into the person she never thought she would. And that was Henry, he was her saviour. And Emma Swan had gave that to Regina.

_And Emma Swan had gave that to Regina. _

Regina repeated it over and over in her head just before she was pulled back to reality as Whale began to speak from outside her door.

''Okay''

''Okay? So you're gonna leave her be or is this a trick so I leave and find bits of queen all over the town?'' Emma didn't know if her speech had been received well, or been received just as bad as Granny's liver casserole was.

Whale turned to the silent crowd and gave a smile to them, he took a step forward and snaked his hands behind his back so he could hide his nervousness.

''She's right. We shouldn't be doing this, I'm not from your land, but I know how black and white it is. We need to be better than her; she will get whatever is coming to her and whatever she deserves. But for now we should get on with what we deserve, and that is to be reunited with our loved ones. We've been trying to get our revenge for weeks, and we haven't succeeded. And from the looks of it, we're not going to. Now, how about we all have a bloody cold drink at Granny's to finally celebrate our return to who we all are.''

The crowd cheered and started to dissipate just as quickly as they had come, Whale leading the way. Emma let out another breath and silently reprimanded herself for not being a smoker.

_**Apparently they work in times of severe stress. Ah, little old stick why did you not choose my lungs to set up home in. **_

As Emma shook out her anxiousness, she felt a single drop of rain fall onto her nose, and two eyes digging into her back. David and Mary Margaret were staring at her in such shock; it looked as though they had watched 'Paranormal activity' back to back for three days straight.

''What?'' Emma was confused.

''What you said about Regina, I'm just a little shocked. Do you really believe that Emma? Do you really think she's not evil?'' Mary Margaret all too well knew how dangerous putting your faith in Regina could be.

As Mary Margaret unloaded her questioning, Regina thought it would be best if she entered the conversation. Whether it was due to her being tired or because she didn't want to hear if Emma was only saying those things to get the crowd away, she didn't know. But what she did know was that she needed to be alone. Regina quickly opened the door just as Emma was about to reply to her most favourite enemy.

''Sheriff, Charming, Snow'' The last name was packed with so much bitterness, a carton of grapefruit juice couldn't contend.

''Regina! Right, yeah they've gone, you can come out now or whatever it is you do. Make your potions, curse the cursed, you know all the bad stuff'' Emma smiled, happy to be able to joke and not think about Mary Margaret's earlier prying.

''Funny, Miss Swan; I was actually coming out here to tell you I think you can leave along with the rest of them as your services are no longer required.''

They all looked towards the former queen with astonishment in their eyes.

''You're never going to change. We just saved your life and you can't even thank us!'' Mary Margaret launched her words fast at Regina. It wasn't hard to come back with a sour reply, this was the queen and she always had something to say to Snow.

''Remember dear when I saved your life, and you thanked me by getting Daniel killed?'' Even with him gone for so long, Regina still developed a lump in her throat at the mere thought of her dead lover.

Mary Margret bowed her head in shame.

''Now, I suggest you get off my property before I thank you in the same way.''

''Right, I think you've made your point Regina. Let's go'' Emma was done with the tension. The trashy TV was almost calling her name.

''Thank you sheriff, for being wiser than your mother''

''Thank you, Madame Mayor, for reminding me that you're a complete and utter selfish bitch''

Emma, Mary Margret and David left the Mayor's feeling slightly unaccomplished, although they may have saved Regina's physical form, her emotional was quite a different story. As the three entered the small and worn apartment, Emma remembered she had asked Archie to pick up Henry from school and drop him off back home. Although she was looking forward to seeing him, she wasn't quite ready for the interrogation. But when you're a mother, Emma reminded herself, are you ever quite ready for anything?

What she was quite ready for, however, was Henry's crashing hug into her mid-section. The kid didn't quite understand social cues yet, so whatever mood she was in he always hit her with an embrace.

''Hey kid'' Emma smiled at her son. He was barely old enough to know how children are made, yet he had saved people's lives already.

_**God knows what he is going to be like when he is older then, don't think about it Swan. Don't do it. **_

''Hey Emma''

''So your mom ended up with another mob at hers today, she was quite the charmer. Told me she was grateful and everything- even made me a blanket with the words 'My saviour' knitted into it.''

''WHAT!'' Mary Margret span herself around so quickly, she ended up making a double turn.

Henry giggled.

''M, relax! Please I was just messing with the kid. Besides you were there, she was just her usual bitchy self''

''Is she okay though? Like I know she's evil and stuff, but she's still my mom sort of. I don't like the thought of her being alone.'' Henry may have hurt his mother and she may have hurt him. But he still loved her all the same; he just wasn't ready to face the truth of who she really was yet.

''She's fine, not a scratch- although if I would have stayed there five more minutes I would have killed her myself!'' Before she even finished her sentence Emma knew that was the wrong thing to say in front of Henry. Rather than waiting for Emma to validate that she was joking, Henry had launched himself onto a mission.

Emma saw it in his eyes, and she gulped.

''I want you two to stop fighting. I want her to stop hurting everyone; I know she was good before. Snow, I mean sorry- Grandma told me she was and I hate her right now but she needs someone to have faith in her - I don't know I'm only a kid. But I know through my stories that when she doesn't she only ends up getting worse.'' Henry struggled to get his words out. But he was right, he was only a child. However Henry understood the most complex woman in all of the realms more than anyone in the room did.

_**Henry Mills, I am so proud of you. **_

''He's right'' Mary Margret protested.

''Excuse me?'' David and Emma both questioned in unison, staring at Mary Margaret with equally puzzled looks.

''She's a terrible woman who has done incredibly bad things, but she had a good heart once. And I don't want to risk her heart getting any blacker, we need to do something to keep her under control before she gets worse, especially now she knows she could possibly lose the one thing who loved her without malice for 10 years, Henry.'' Mary Margret hated herself for having hope again, but as she reminded herself, that was who she was.

_**Why do I feel like I am about to be sent on a heroic quest? **_

''And what am I meant to do about it? You're the one who wanted her locked up barely three weeks ago!'' Emma anxiously addressed Mary Margret's change of heart.

''What you were born to do Emma, be the saviour, save her'' Henry held such hope in his eyes.

''She's beyond it'' Emma chuckled.

''Please try, we haven't got anything to lose'' Henry showed his age then, just at the naivety of his statement.

''Fine, but if I do this, we're not watching Lord of the Rings for a whole year.'' Emma thought that would move him, but it didn't.

''I'm sold'' Henry beamed.

''Figures''

Emma grabbed her jacket and started to head towards the stairs. Henry, Mary Margret and David looked bewildered until a huffing Emma finally spoke.

''You ask, and you shall receive. I'm going to go take a shower and then do me some saving''

''What are you going to do? And right now? We've only just left her. You're right, I did want her locked up, but as Henry said- It wouldn't make any difference where she was or is. It's just a bit fast; we should talk about this, come up with a plan. '' Mary Margret nodded at herself. She was terrified, she didn't want Emma to do this and she could feel it was a terrible idea. But as she knew, it was a trait of her genes, once you got them onto something, it was impossible to get them off.

''What normal human's do, take a bottle of wine, ask if she fancies a chat- I don't know, I'll figure it out'' Emma shrugged.

''Ask a former Queen if she fancies a chat? Emma you don't know Regina as well as we do, you can't just do that.'' David expressed.

''Maybe that's the problem, I know in your kingdom she was the Evil Queen, but here's she's just Regina. She can't use her magic as a defensive mechanism.''

_**She can use her fists though.**_

''She's right Grandpa'' Henry poked his head around from behind Emma and looked towards the three of them as he revealed his belief in Emma's words.

As Emma looked down at Henry, she knew she was doing this for him. He had asked her and she found that now, being back in his life, she was always going to do everything for him.

By the time Emma had got ready it was already half past seven. She had chosen her usual attire, skinny blue jeans, a white tank top and her trusty red leather jacket. The Sheriff looked at the apparel in the mirror and breathed deeply, she hoped this was a good idea. After how she had left things with Regina earlier she thought better of her hope, but she kept picturing Henry's face and pushed herself further into her blind courage. She headed downstairs, trying not to trip on her new found nervousness.

''Right then, I'm off to see the wizard''

_**Best post curse joke so far. **_

Mary Margret stopped stirring the pasta she was making and stood in front of Emma with her arms crossed, spatula in hand.

''Emma, look at me. Please don't do anything stupid. You're safe without her having any magic, but not as safe as you should be, she can still hurt you. '' Mary Margret softly spoke.

''I'll be okay M, don't worry, you'll get wrinkles''

''I think the 28 years' time stop has done wonders to my skin, don't you?''

''Very witty there M, never knew you had it in you. Where's Henry?'' She looked around for her son.

''He's on the sofa, waiting for you. He won't stop going on about operation Panther.''

''Operation Panther? This is going to be good.''

Emma walked over to the sofa to where Henry was sitting and thumped down onto it barely an inch away from the boy. They stared at each other for a while before one of them developed the courage to speak.

''So operation Panther, gonna give me a heads up on the code name?''

''It's the new name for our operation to save my mom'' Henry smiled.

''Henry, please don't put all of your hope into this, you know, this is a long shot. Like a really long, long shot- so long we've lost the ball.''

''I know Emma, but I choose a Panther for a reason, it suits her''

''Why's that? ''

''I read a book once, when I lived with my mom before you came. I was about eight at the time and I don't remember why but she gave me a book on animal symbolism. I had no idea about the curse at the time, or any of that. But I remember thinking I was a Sausage dog''

Emma laughed at the way Henry had attempted to say the word symbolism.

''A sausage dog? You were one weird child Henry.''

_**Still is.**_

''I was eight, what do you expect? I thought they were cute. And anyway, I was out one day with mom, we weren't doing anything special, but we were about to cross a road by my school and a car span super-fast around the corner. I didn't even see it coming, but mom did- she grabbed me by the arms and threw me back onto the sidewalk. She stood in front of that car, and the man stopped. He didn't even hit her; he just stopped as soon as she walked out. Like she had power over it, over him; the man got out and apologised, she wasn't very happy with him as you can imagine. She started to scream and I remember her calling him a 'jackass with the driving skills of an inbreed child' I think he cried after that. But she was so bold in herself and she didn't care what anyone thought about her, she just cared that I was always safe.'' Henry smiled at Emma, and her heart clenched.

''This still doesn't explain the panther thing kid''

''Oh right, anyway that night I was going through it, and the first page I came across was about a panther'' Henry pulled out a half torn book.

''A panther symbolizes a lot of things, but its main traits are its beauty and its boldness. They are cunning, possess swiftness, and also have the gift of rebirth. A panther is the symbol of the female, it's a very solitary animal.'' Henry shut the book as if it was his own private journal. He stumbled on a few of the words, but Emma understood what he had meant.

''When I was eight I only knew what two of the words meant, but I liked the way it sounded with my mom, she is beautiful and bold. And I knew she was a female, so you know, that helped'' He laughed.

''But now that I'm older and I know her more, I know what she was and who she can be. I think it fits her really well. I looked up the other words a few days ago and she is very cunning. I've never seen her have any friends, she's always been alone. And I know you can save her, which is rebirth. So that's why I chose operation Panther.'' Henry explained with a half -smile.

_**How did I ever give birth to someone like this? **_

''You're right it really does suit her. Although I still can't believe you repeated her use of calling someone a jackass, she would kill me and then you, and then me again if she knew you had said that. But your impression of her was dead on. ''

It was getting later and later and Emma concluded from Henry's explanation of his mother's personality, that if she was going to do this, it needed to be now. She was slowly losing her nerve.

''Alright kid, it's off to bed for you''

''But it's not even nine yet Emma!''

''I know, but we've sat here for forty five minutes talking about an animal and I should have been gone ages ago, so if you want me to say goodnight and do the whole tucking in thing, let me do it now otherwise you'll be in bed by the time I get in. That is unless your mom tells me there's a chance in hell straight away.'' Emma winked.

''Fine. I am tired I guess''

As Emma tucked Henry in, she realised for the first time in her life she was actually excited to help someone, to find out about someone. It shocked her, and as usual she ignored it.

''Emma, please don't come back until you've saved her''

''Henry, it's going to take more than one night to save someone who is that lost''

''I know, I'm sorry for making you do this, you don't have too'' Henry knew a guilt trip wouldn't work, but he put on his biggest puppy eyes in the possibility that it could.

''Henry?''

''Yeah?''

''Shut up and go to sleep'' Emma didn't want to discuss it anymore, and Henry felt it.

''I love you, be safe, tell her I said hi''

''I will, love ya too- now sleep.''

After Emma had picked up a ridiculously cheap bottle of wine, only the best for the Mayor she thought, she found herself back tracking her steps every time she got a little closer to Regina's porch. It wasn't as if she was scared was it?

_**Scared of what? I was in prison, I can handle an evening with Regina Mills, I hope. **_

Emma started to drift off into memories of what Regina had been like since the curse broke, she was trying to be better. She offered herself up to be put in jail, nobody knew why- but she offered none the less.

_**Maybe she knew it's where she belonged**_.

They had decided against it after Henry protested wherever she was; it wouldn't make a difference to what she did.

The mobs were the only thing bad that had happened with her name involved since. She hadn't hurt anyone or attempted to kidnap Henry. Unless you count the time she did right after the curse had broken, which ultimately ended with her realising he wasn't going to love her that way and there wasn't magic so she had no way of getting him to stay either. Regina had only been a little bitchy and had quite honestly accepted her fate as an outsider. But she was trying to be redeem herself for their son, and for that she deserved a shot.

_**I deserve a shot of vodka for doing this.**_

The Sheriff hesitantly moved closer and closer towards the front door, she reflected back to her and Henry's conversation and his promise to not watch Lord of the Rings for a year if she succeeded. Emma smiled to herself and prayed to the skies she could to this for that sole reason alone. It made her fall asleep within moments of its title sequence.

She knocked and Regina appeared immediately asking her why she was there and where her son was.

_**Our son. How many more times?**_

They fell into their usual banter; things were going well until Regina made a snide comment just after Emma had genuinely congratulated her on trying to be better for their son.

''There's no need to be sarcastic, I just thought you might need someone to talk to or whatever, look this was Henry's idea, I knew it was stupid, I'll be off-''

''Wait. Henry sent you here? So I could have company? '' She felt the blood rush to her heart, and a smile creeping in her cheekbones.

''He wants us to stop fighting and he doesn't want you to be alone. He's still coming to terms with who you are, Jesus, everyone is. But he can see you're trying and so can I, He's just not ready to be around you fully yet. You know what he's like; he can get you to do anything. He must have got that from you''

''I don't need a friend Miss Swan, I am perfectly capable of being alone and happy''

''Yeah well, you might just need a perfect stranger with wine in her bag'' Emma took her back pack off and pulled out a very large, red bottle of wine. She huffed, and continued.

''Who's been sent here by her son and has been told more than once, not to come back until you've been saved'' Emma air quoted 'saved' to show how impossible she thought that was.

''Saved?''

''Look, Regina, will you just do this so I can tell Henry you at least tried? He believes in you, I don't wanna crush his fantasies of you becoming good - you can do that by yourself. But don't let me be an accomplice''

''What wine do you have?''

''I don't know the one that was the cheapest?''

''I shouldn't have expected anything less. Well then, come along, let's get this headache over with''

''Headache?''

''Yes, that's you dear''

As they entered the house, Emma took in the mayor's surroundings properly for the first time since she found out everything Henry had been trying to tell her was true. It was grand, it made an impression on you and there wasn't a speck of dust anywhere to be seen. Emma wondered if before the curse anyone really knew Regina had a child. It didn't look like it; it looked more like a show home. And Emma doubted she ever had visitors over for brunch, unless they were Graham.

_**Graham, I forgot. **_

Emma pushed down her thoughts and continued into the house.

''Jesus Regina, do you employ slaves too?'' Emma joked.

Regina walked them into her study. She wasn't comfortable enough for Emma to be sitting in her living room.

''Oh no dear, I never believed in having slaves; servants yes, but not slaves.''

''Um, what's the difference?''

''A servant is employed Miss Swan, a slave has no choice.'' Regina explained.

''Right'' Emma still believed they were the same thing, but she wasn't exactly sure this was a good conversation to start off with.

''So Sheriff, I do believe my son sent you here to do some saving, what exactly did he mean by that?''

''To stop you from becoming evil again, or I mean going back down the path to it. He says hi by the way'' Emma said nonchalantly.

''Right'' Regina walked over to her liquor cabinet; pulled out two wine glasses and motioned for the bottle of wine. She poured a larger glass for herself, and sat down on the arm chair situated nearest to the window. As Regina sat, Emma slumped on to the sofa across from her, earing herself a tut from the Mayor.

''Look Regina, I know nothing about you. Only what I've heard from everyone else and from mo- Mary Margaret, I don't want to listen to them or the stories right now, I want to forget about that and just try and start over in the least naïve way I possibly can. You never once harmed Henry, so with that you earned a chance with me.'' Emma took a large gulp of her wine, it was almost gone.

''I earned a chance? Miss Swan, I do believe as everybody has told you, I've had one too many of those. The thing is, I never really learn from my mistakes.''

''The thing with mistakes, Madame Mayor, is sometimes it just takes one huge bust to your balls to learn from them. And I'm hoping the bust to your balls will be possibly losing Henry if he sees you trying to murder people.'' It was a low blow, but the wine had got to Emma's head faster than she thought it would.

_**I knew I should have eaten before I came here. Is this poisoned? **_

''He said I would lose him?'' Regina felt vulnerable.

''It comes without saying really doesn't it? Imagine finding out your mom, the woman who raised you for ten years without doing anything but good for you, is actually an evil queen who caused damage to a lot of people lives. Including his family- He's lost at the moment Regina, he's just a kid. He is still trying to learn right from wrong, but his love for you is clouding everything you've done at the moment. And that's making him feel like a bad person. Whereas I know that there's more to the story then you just being evil, he doesn't. And I get that. ''

Emma stood and walked over to the bottle of wine and hastily poured herself another glass as she waited for Regina to take her words in.

''I wasn't born evil.'' Regina didn't know why she felt the sudden need to tell Emma everything, it frightened her, but she was trying to be good for her son. But even as she thought that, she buried down the compulsion to tell Emma to leave.

''Fuck Regina, I know that. I mean, yeah you've made some really big mistakes in your life, and knowing you've killed people is even hard for me, it makes it hard to want to be around you. It makes my stomach churn. In this world, you kill someone and that's it, you're doomed forever and everybody hates you for it. You go to prison and you never get a second chance, because people who do things like that shouldn't. But I've seen a lot of shit happen to a lot of people and I know there's always a reason behind it. Imagine what that's like for a child to try and understand.''

''Miss Swan, if you've come here to lecture me on what I've done wrong in my life, I think you should leave. You don't need to tell me, I already know how much of a bad person I supposedly am. I know what I have done and who I have hurt. Having you telling me it, isn't going to make any sort of difference to me.'' Regina gulped; she knew she had said too much.

''And that's why I'm giving you a chance''

''I beg your pardon?''

''Bad people don't know what they've done wrong or feel any sort of remorse for hurting others. They just think it's normal to do those things and that it's okay. The curse broke three weeks ago and instead of trying to get magic back, you've been trying to be good for our son. You know what you've done, I can see in your eyes how you feel the guilt of that every day on you.''

_**I think I'm drunk. **_

''So you think you know me because you can see it in my eyes? Are you insane Miss Swan? You can't see anything in anybody's eyes accept the colour of them.'' Regina snickered.

''Why are you always defensive? Scared that somebody could actually understand you a little? Understand that things aren't always what they seem to be? Understand that people and situations can change you as a person? What are you scared of Regina?''

_**Definitely drunk. **_

''And how could you possibly understand Miss Swan? Can you understand that the feeling of ripping someone's heart out is liberating? That hurting people was something I used to do for fun? That when I was bored I would go down to my vault, look at all of those hearts I took and smile to myself. That I have on many occasions, tried to kill your mother and if I had the chance, I still would. Can you understand that?''

Emma was conflicted. On one hand she could see that Regina was trying to push her out and make her leave so she wouldn't have to face up to her own demons or end up doing something that would lead her to fall out of Henry's good books. And on the other hand she was shocked and disgusted to hear from somebody's mouth all of those things. She wanted to run, until she thought of their son once more.

''If you had the chance right now, right this second- to rip out my heart would you?''

Regina blinked at Emma's question, her natural reaction was to answer yes and then laugh. But when she contemplated her son and how that could make her lose him forever, she came to the realisation that no, she wouldn't.

''Miss Swan, I don't have my magic. That's a foolish question.''

''Regina don't deflect, answer the question''

''No, I wouldn't.''

''And why is that?''

''Because you're important to my son and I am if you remember, trying to redeem myself.''

''And that's what I understand, Regina. You have no idea about me, nothing of who I was before that little boy turned up at my apartment on my birthday. I understand how loving someone can make you want to change and be better. And I also understand how loving someone can make you change into a terrible person. Because I have done both of those things. And so have you. ''

They sat in silence, sipping their wines. Neither of them had said a word since Emma had summed up both their issues in one catapulting speech.

''I only ever wanted the best for Henry, I never wanted him to know who I really was.''

Emma was stunned. She hadn't expected Regina to open up to her at all. It was out of character for the woman, but nevertheless, she was relieved she didn't have to push.

''I never wanted him to know who I was either.''

''And who is that Miss Swan?''

''Somebody I guess you made me into.''

''And how exactly did I do that dear?''

''Casting the curse- made my parents put me into a wardrobe. And if it wasn't for you doing that, I would never be the person who I am today.''

''Ah, I see. Well, either way your life would have gone, you still would have been an insatiable adult.''

''Thanks'' Emma smiled.

''Please, it's absolutely no problem.''

They had finished the bottle of wine and before Emma could look at the time on her watch, Regina had opened a bottle of malt whiskey. Normally she would have excused herself to go home, but she found that Regina kept her interested in her company. She was handed a larger glass than average for the liquid, but didn't complain.

''What made you like this Regina? I've heard M's story of when you saved her. So something must have made you into whatever the fuck you are.'' She gestured her hand towards the former Queen.

_**Malt whiskey, malt whiskey, oh how you get me into trouble, malt whiskey, malt whiskey, oh hell I'll have a double. Look at me go, I'm practically Beyonce. **_

''And I am supposed to tell you this why? So you can understand all of the bad things I've done a little better? Maybe there isn't a reason behind them Miss Swan, what you're harbouring is false hope dear, and that is something you should never do. ''

''No, I really want to know. I want to know why I keep saving you. Why Henry still believes in you. Give me a reason.''

Regina realised by this point she had probably had too much to drink. She could feel the spirits relaxation techniques flooding through her veins; she could feel the urge to let herself go and open up to a complete stranger. Her inhabitations were so low; she could have sworn she even felt the urge to kiss the sheriff. But she quickly jogged her memory back to who Emma was, and that urges are a weakness. But the alcohol in her wanted to keep speaking.

''I believe that when you're a child learning about the world and what it means, you're much like that of a shell, one that you find on a beach. It's surrounded by waves and it never breaks, the water goes through it and it doesn't leave a mark- Just a feeling of adventure. For years it could be floating around and yet it only ever gets chipped when it's held too strongly in a palm or stood on by a human. And unfortunately I was that unlucky shell, which let the waves crash against it, and let the water leave its mark. I was held too tightly in the hands of my mother. And I guess, she broke me.'' Regina felt like she was going to be sick.

Emma had never felt the way she was feeling as Regina started to reveal. It was like looking at herself, finally getting an analogy that fit her. The pull she felt towards the Mayor at that moment was unforeseen and she understood the woman a little more than she had done. She knew what Regina had just told her was something important but she also knew the former queen had exposed just about as much as she could handle. So Emma kept quiet.

''Can I use your bathroom?''

Regina was grateful Emma had noticed she didn't need a reply. She pointed Emma in the direction of the washroom and as soon as the saviour ventured on her quest, Regina headed towards her kitchen and threw up into her garbage bin cursing at herself. And it wasn't because of the malt whiskey or the wine.

.


End file.
